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Joke of the Day

"Isaac Newton's friend was 16 minutes late the first time they met. At their second meeting, the friend was 8 minutes late. At this rate, said Newton, ""you'll never be on time."""

"Having sex is like you're doing fractions it is improper for the larger one to be on top"

"If I could have dinner with anybody, living or dead, I'd have pizza."

"Someone at my work stole my microsoft office bundle. I'm going to hunt him down and take it back. You have my word!"

"NEW YEAR'S LOGIC 1. The planet is passing through an arbitrary spot on its unceasing orbit around the sun. 2. Time to lay off chocolate."

"BEST PICK UP LINE: I wasn't looking at your boobs, I was staring into your heart...no, I lied , your boobs are awesome."

"A single word can make a heart open. That word is ""scalpel."""

"Why did the phone keep walking into the wall? It lost its contacts."

"How many gays does it take to put in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes a whole emergency room to remove it."

"I wonder if giraffes can eat so much their stomach explodes bc they just don't know it right away cuz it's in their neck for so long. What."