228439

Joke of the Day

"Someone at my work stole my microsoft office bundle. I'm going to hunt him down and take it back. You have my word!"

"Why did the little boy use his inhaler? ""No wheezin'"""

"I always party like it's 1999. Standing in a corner talking to nerds about The Matrix. :("

"Remember, it's not a real paleo diet unless you're eating mammoth every day."

"My birthday is coming up, wife agreed to bday sex. Thankfully she'll be out of town on a business trip so I'll have the house all to myself."

"My nickname for my mother is Hannibal Lecture."

"My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down."

"She left me alone in the house with Cupcakes cooling. Rookie mistake."

"How to give a woman an orgasm? Dream harder."

"What's the difference between family bonding and family bondage? One is forced and borderline torture, the other is sex."