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Joke of the Day

"I told my math teacher I was freezing cold and he told me to go stand in the corner of the classroom. Because it was 90 degrees."

"What do you call the ""Dirty Jobs"" guy beating someone up? A Mike Rowe Aggression"

"[first date] I'm sorry, I fiddle when I get nervous ""That's okay"" Yeah.... *jams out epic fiddle solo for the rest of the date*"

"*pretending to talk on my phone so I don't look like a loser standing by myself* -Haha yea dude last night was craz- *phone starts ringing*"

"My can of whoop ass seems to have expired."

"My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out."

"My lesbian friends just got me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood me when I told them ""I wanna watch."""

"A man sitting in a publisher's office has his memoir turned down for a third time... He sighed and said ""story of my life."""

"If you prefer that unshaven look, you might not be a true hipster... These days, everyone loves hairy styles."

"What did Jay-Z call Beyonce after they got engaged? Fiancee."