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Joke of the Day

"Scientists use dead bodies? Jesus, I know they're nerds but they should still be able to make living friends."

"How long does it take to cook a baby in a microwave? I dont know. I was too busy masturbating!"

"Job Interview I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, ""Have you ever shoed a horse?"" I said, ""No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off."""

"I suffer from premature procrastination. It's when you procrastinate before even receiving a task..."

"What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? I don't use a feminist to kill myself when talking to a gun."

"Elevator is broken. Had to use the other one. #firstworldproblems"

"I had to put my dog down today. My arms were getting tired."

"I think Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around on random things."

"Mom: Want to come over for dinner? Me: No thanks, already ate Mom: What did you have? Me: Peanut butter Mom: With? Me: Spoon"

"I fcuking love it when my girlfriend uses her evil psychotic skills for my benefit and not against me."