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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out."

"I'd like to go to Holland some day... Wooden shoe?"

"A gentleman never eats his soup by soaking it into his tie and squeezing it out into his mouth"

"Me: (squeezing into a gown) I'm so sick of the fashion industry. Who do you even make these clothes for? Children? Disney Store clerk: Yes."

"Anytime I see a happy white couple in their 30's sitting in front of a laptop, I just assume they are filming a credit score commercial."

"Where is the best place to vacation for Halloween? Galapaghost Islands."

"Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday. Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else !"

"My boss wrote accidently wrote ""Pantera"" instead of ""Panera"" and now I'm dressed really inappropriately for this business lunch."

"What do Hitler and Boston have in common? Neither can finish a race."

"Why don't the Cubans have Olympic swimmers? Because they make it here."