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Joke of the Day

"'100% Yes!' '1000% Yes!!' '1,000,000% Yes!!!' I wish the X Factor judges would stop trying to top each other... and just top themselves."

"...: who do you listen to more? Mummy or daddy? 5y: mummy ...: why? 5y: mummy talks more"

"Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies."

"Women: When it comes to doggie style...men are behind you 100%"

"How can you make seven even? Take away the letter S."

"What did the dejected man say to the considerate calculator trying to console him? It's the bot that counts."

"Kinda weird how much we're attracted to each other's genitals even though they're gross."

"""It's 5 o'clock somewhere."" - a shitty watch."

"On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker."

"Have you heard of the movie *Constipation*? ""Can't say I have."" ""That's because it hasn't came out yet."""