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Joke of the Day

"On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker."

"Chuck Norris was born May 6th 1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7th 1945."

"I used to be addicted to playing with Play-Doh But now I'm reformed"

"What's the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg."

"I didn't feel like putting a lot of effort into a costume this year. I wore the bottom half of a donkey costume. I decided to half ass it this halloween"

"What will a monster eat in a restaurant? The waiter."

"What does the flint water crises and Chicago PD have in common? The amount of lead put into black people. (It was funnier over the radio)"

"Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds."

"[company meeting] Manager: $5000 in office supplies have gone missing. We are making some changes. Me: [in paper clip chainmail, sweating]"

"Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing"