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Joke of the Day
"Me: I feel skinnier today! Scale: Nope."
Next Joke
"[wife yelling in waterpark] ""BRENT SOMEONE IS STEALING THE CAR"" [top of huge slide] K IM STILL GONNA TAKE THE SLIDE DOWN CUZ IT'll BE FASTER"
"[drive thru] GUY ON INTERCOM: can I help you ME: yeah are you guys open"
"Me: This chicken is undercooked. Wife: You don't appreciate my cooking. Me: I think the vet could save it if it we took it right now."
"I was expelled from school during pajama day. It's not my fault I sleep naked."
"you got mad on your own you can get happy on your own -me giving a baby advice"
"Camouflage training The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, ""I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning."" ""Thank you very much, sir."""
"What time does Andy Murray go to bed? Tennish! "
"What is it called when you kill a chickpea? Hummuside"
"I was going to tell you a joke about a cow. But its udderly ridiculous"