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Joke of the Day

"A man in North Korea got given 40 years in a labour camp for calling Kim Jong Un an idiot... 5 for slander, and 35 for revealing state secrets-"

"check if your cocaine is good, mix in vinegar. If it makes a volcano, its baking soda. If not, your drugs is ruined. Drugs are always bad."

"How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They only screw the poor."

"A buddy had a lawn mower accident and died after getting the ends of his feet cut off. Doctors diagnosed him as lack-toes intolerant"

"A salesman knocked on my door today. ""Who currently provides your Internet?"" he asked. I said, ""My next door neighbour."""

"In the UK we celebrate Thanksgiving as the day we managed to ship all our paranoid religious fundamentalists off to another continent."

"Another joke from my daughter Her: Why did Sally fall off the swing? Me: Why? Her: Because she had no arms. Me: ??? Her: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? Her: Not Sally!"

"ENTRY-LEVEL JOB OPENING: Minimum 3 years exp required. Must speak 4 languages, have 2 Olympic medals & a reference letter from Barack Obama."

"I just spent 15 minutes searching for my phone in my room, using my phone as a flashlight..."

"I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole."