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Joke of the Day

"Being high in front of your parents is like trying to do your best impression of yourself."

"I wonder if Bruce Wayne ever wears a Batman t-shirt."

"I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hooker. It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use."

"Flight Attendant: Would you like some headphones? Man: Yes, and how did you know my name was Phones?"

"On average, how many people are dead in a cemetery? All of them."

"Why do firemen have bigger balls than policemen? Because they sell more tickets!"

"Do you have to be from Vietnam to open up a restaurant called ""Viet Noms?"" I'm asking for a friend"

"Why are women so bad at being hockey goalies? Because there are 3 periods and only 2 pads."

"Sorry I hung up on you, I didn't mean to answer the call."

"[robbery in progress in the store I'm at] *quickly remembers training from karate school* *bows to robber* *is kicked in head so hard*"