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Joke of the Day

"Flight Attendant: Would you like some headphones? Man: Yes, and how did you know my name was Phones?"

Next Joke
 
"Cop pulls over bad driver Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes? Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car"
"*crumples a hamburger next to the phone* sorry, i'm having trouble hearing u over this delicious hamburger noise call u later ok"
"We need a channel that plays kitten videos. All kittens, all the time. When shit gets intense, turn on the kittens. #kittenchannel"
"Hi, I'm starting a support group for people who have trouble reaching orgasm... If you can't cum let me know."
"GOD: hey can I have one of your ribs Adam: what for GOD: uhh science project Adam: you hate science GOD: look do u wanna get laid or not"
"How do you get rid of an obese demon? You exercise it."
"What is it called when you butt dial from your front pocket? A cockadial"
"Omg, autocorrect! For the millionth time, I don't hate all those birches..."
"What do you call a lesbian Dinosaur? A Lickalotopus"
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