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Joke of the Day
"Why did the termite eat a sofa and two chairs? It had a suite tooth."
Next Joke
"God created man... and He used your face as a rough draft...."
"""you should be more serious, sir. this is arson."" ""no this is MY son!"" *tousles his hair* ""ha ha ha. so how many houses did the rascal burn"""
"A friend of mine in law enforcement doesn't like The Clash. I guess you could say that sheriff don't like it."
"[marriage counseling] She thinks I make bad decisions ""He hired a clown for my nana's funeral"" PEOPLE NEEDED CHEERING UP, KAREN"
"Did you hear what happened to the guy whose left arm and left leg got chopped off? He's dead."
"I raise the bar when it comes to lowering standards."
"If he calls you clingy, move in immediately without warning and decorate his bed with 57 throw pillows"
"RUSSELL: I told you that cheese wasn't for you ME: [bitterly, mousetraps on both hands] Nothing's ever for me, is it Russell"
"(I heard this one a while back, sorry) Why can't you use a the restroom at a Beatles reunion concert? Because there is no John."