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Joke of the Day

"[marriage counseling] She thinks I make bad decisions ""He hired a clown for my nana's funeral"" PEOPLE NEEDED CHEERING UP, KAREN"

"A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. ...and his wife is livid. ""You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!"" ""No,"" slurs the mathematician... ""I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."""

"I have neighbors who are racist. Whenever we play monopoly, instead of using the hat or thimble I just carve a black family out of wood. They move whenever I land on their property."

"A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. ""Oh I reckon about the same as short ones!"" the farmer answered."

"Im not saying I'm number one, uh sorry I lied I'm number one two three four and five."

"What idiot called it an auction instead of serious bidness?"

"What's a caterpillar afraid of? A dogerpillar (Thank you Laffy Taffy for the ~~worst~~ best joke I've ever heard)"

"What do you call two gay rednecks? Super Smash Brothers"

"I hate the term ""Hipster"" It's too mainstream"

"""I have something I'd like to get off my chest."" - Guy with three nipples"