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Joke of the Day

"A spider crawled on my son's hand today. I did what any father would do. I mean, Luke Skywalker seems like a productive member of society."

"Want to hear a corny joke? It's so good, you'd say it was a-maize-ing"

"oh, so now star wars is the best thing you've ever seen, is it? ""yes, and?"" so you've forgotten about the time we saw a snake wearing a hat?"

"Don't even talk to me about how badass you are until you've seen how many ketchup packets i've stolen over the years"

"A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. He looks at the bar tender and says ""Five drinks please."""

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me:I'm cute? Cop: Nope Me: you like my car? Cop: Nope Me: I could do this all day."

"How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem? Simple! He just worked it out with a pencil!"

"What's a Mexicans favorite candy? Jelly beaners."

"If I ever go to prison, I know exactly what I'm going to nickname myself... Mitochondria! That way everyone will know I'm the powerhouse of the cell."

"Why didn't the parrot want the black guy to buy him? Polly want a Cracker."