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Joke of the Day

"my wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can't see the mailbox when she's backing up?"

"Yo Mama so fat when she went to the movies she sat next to everyone"

"Doctor told me I will die soon. Bastard found out I was banging his wife."

"I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks"

"I buried a time capsule when I was 9. This is the year we are going to dig it up. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got."

"When/If Scotland becomes independent, what will the national currency be called? Doesn't matter, you won't be able to pry it out of the cheap bastards' hands anyway."

"Hitler was the worst camp counselor ever."

"What did the cow say in winter? Oh my god. I'm Friesian!"

"18 is TOO young to get married! You can't even buy booze at 18! If you can't buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?"

"Awkward=when autocorrect changes 'sooner' to 'sober' so email to 8 yr. old's teacher reads ""I apologize for not getting back to you sober"""