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Joke of the Day

"I told Leonardo DiCaprio a joke about the Oscars... He didn't get it."

"Say what you want about Edward Scissorhands... but I think he's a pretty sharp guy."

"I got really drunk on St. Patty's Day last year and took the bus home. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but I'd never driven a bus before"

"What's the scariest thing about a white man in prison? You know he did it."

"What do you call a shitty band that only plays in the winter? Coldplay."

"Have you ever gotten laid in a sleeping bag? It's horrible. You can't breathe, it's all sweaty, and your scoutmaster is covering your mouth."

"Why can't truck drivers ever fully retire? Because they can only semi retire."

"Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one."

"Repeatedly referring to the electrician as a ""take charge kind of guy"" is a great way to make your doorbell turn on the garbage disposal."

"Two guys walk into a bar The first one asks for h20. The second on asks for h20 too. The second guy dies."