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Joke of the Day

"Say what you want about Edward Scissorhands... but I think he's a pretty sharp guy."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb. Just 2 but makes you wonder how they got inside the bulb"

"Mom: Why is your room always so... Mom: Why is your room always so messy? Me: So that if someone comes in and tries to kill me, they'll trip over something and die."

"The past, the present and the future walked into a bar... It was tense."

"Did you guys hear the one where the Imam joins the priest and rabbi walking into the bar? That's because muslims can't drink."

"If someone says ""I will do anything for you"" lean in really close and say ""There's a body in my basement and I can't eat it all by myself."""

"What do you call someone who masturbates a lot? A nutcracker."

"This national park is nice but the cell service sucks. I can only enjoy natural beauty if I can tweet ironically about it."

"I wasn't trying to put you on a pedestal. I was trying to bend you over it."

"If you ever want to catch a white person, just set a table outside a restaurant in the summertime."