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Joke of the Day

"I got really drunk on St. Patty's Day last year and took the bus home. That may not seem like a big deal to you, but I'd never driven a bus before"

Next Joke
 
"What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the VIII have in common? Same middle name."
"I'm so pissed right now I'm going to open a can of... what the hell, when did they start putting child proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass?"
"I know we just got divorced, but would you mind showing my girlfriend how to make an omelet the way I like them?"
"Double standards are the worst. I mean, one flag is enough."
"two lesbians Lesbian 1: ""Hey! I finally found your dido!"" Lesbian 2: ""Great! I knew you had it in you!"""
"Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War ? Robert E Flea !"
"What's worse than finding half a worm in an apple? Finding a vein in a hot dog."
"DETECTIVE: There are signs of a struggle here [earlier that morning] ME: *trying to get up for work*"
"What do you call an anorexic.. What do you call an anorexic chick with a yeast infection? Quarter-pounder with cheese"