2277

Joke of the Day

"I read in the news today that a man in Los Angeles was killed when he got caught up in a turf war. I wonder if he was mowed down?"

"""DOES ANYONE KNOW CPR?"" I step forward boldly. ""I know OF it."""

"If a woman falls in the kitchen and I pretend not to hear it, does she still hear the sound of me tweeting about it?"

"I never loved you any more than I do, right this second. And I'll never love you any less than I do, right this second."

"I bet you're the asshole that says ""we"" when talking about your favorite sports team like you're on the actual roster."

"What does Dr. Oz do when you throw scientific evidence at his head? Ducks like a quack."

"What do you call a bisexual Scandinavian A bi-king. I know that was terrible. Also I'm not being racist because i'm from Scandinavia."

"Dating tip: Don't do it, a disturbingly high percentage of people are actually flesh eating insects in human suits. Just stay home instead."

"I dont have enough money to play f2p (free to play) games because i lack the money to buy the necessary hacks to be able to compete in equal grounds."

"I like my women how I like my pudding. With their tops off and my penis in them."