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Joke of the Day

"My friend is addicted to drinking brake fluids... but he tells me that he can stop any time."

"Have you been to Iran? I don't think you should go, I don't think they like joggers."

"One time when I was riding the school bus the bus drive hit a couple of tree branches She said ""bus drivers trim trees as a side job"""

"I was reading in the paper... And I read about some midget that got pick pocketed. I thought to myself, ""Who could stoop so low?"""

"When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don't tell them you need it by a certain date."

"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen that said 'Parking Fine'."

"Does Facebook have a ""You're not smart enough to be talking about politics"" button?"

"It's impossible to lick your elbow. You never let me. Please. I want this."

"Ever since my son got his first girlfriend, I've been changing the bed sheets much more often. Whenever I imagine him knocking her up, I shit myself."

"*sets trap* *snares the Easter Bunny* *pats his head* *lets him go* What?!?...What did you think I was going to do, you savages."