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Joke of the Day

"When I listen to Nirvana I want to blow my head off with the nearest shotgun."

"I just ate a family... ...sized kraft Mac n cheese and now I'm too full to get drunk by myself tonight."

"Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?? Yeah, it runs in your jeans..."

"*pets a skeleton* u used to b a baby"

"What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons? Jose and Hose B"

"No recovering from getting your arm stuck in a Pringles can on a first date."

"Hello? I'd like to rent one bouncey house, please. How many will be using it? Just one. Her age? Uh. Four........ty-seven."

"I'm Finally Done Smoking My name was legally changed yesterday."

"My wife woke me up all excited this morning... She said honey look at all the pounds I've lost. I told her that she was looking at our retirement account not her fitbit."

"Did you hear about the wooden car with the wooden engine, the wooden doors and the wooden chassis? It wooden go."