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Joke of the Day

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"[Divorce court] Her: I found his Twitter account. I want a divorce. Judge: He was cheating? Her: No, he was doing inspirational tweets."
"A spinoff of Zootopia would have lampooned any people from a certain fandom who drew NSFW pictures of the two leads and shipped them. Alas, *Furry Vengeance* was already taken."
"There are almost no problems that cannot be solved by adding puppies into the equation... except for world hunger...which come to think of it, they can also solve."
"Played an organ for the first time today I really enjoyed it, but my patient didn't."
"Why spend all that time in school to be a doctor,, when you can save lives by forwarding an email or reposting a status on your Facebook wall?"
"My momma always said life is like a load of laundry. Sometimes you gotta separate the colors from the whites."
"You are what you eat Asshole"
"I really hope the rise of the machines doesn't involve my laptop camera taping me look at stuff on the internet."
"Hey, who did you vote for?... I wrote in Michael J. Fox. I think he can really shake things up!"