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Joke of the Day

"The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It's only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now."

"Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I'd say there's a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep."

"Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white... ...so now it looks like France landed there."

"What happened when a heart robs a bank? It gets put under cardiac arrest."

"[maid of honor speech] Never thought this day would come! Remember when you came home early & he was wearing your bra & panties [mom faints]"

"You know what the downside about Crotchless panties is.. One ball always manages to slip out.."

"What do you call a sick extraterrestrial? An ailin' alien."

"What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic? Wait for him to give it back."

"I like the show on fox news where there are 4 conservative idiots yelling at one liberal idiot."

"Pretty sure I just heard a grown man wrestle a bear in a bathroom stall at Chipotle."