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Joke of the Day

"What's long and black? An unemployment line."

"This hotel I'm staying at tomorrow lists ""elevators"" as one of its amenities. I never thought I'd fly this close to the sun."

"Did you hear about the cross-eyed carpenter? He *literally* can't even."

"Remember to leave milk and cookies out for Captain America tonight."

"Why was the obtuse triangle upset? Because he is never right."

"A really drunk guy... A really drunk guy gets into a taxi and says ""Heeeyy cab guy, can I leave the pizza and the beer in the front seat?"" ""yeah no problem"" -BHLUAGHH-"

"'Doctor, I have a drinking problem!' 'I'm always drunk whenever I'm traveling between countries!' Doctor - 'Sounds like you're a borderline alcoholic.'"

"What's 16 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? Obama's Tie."

"The teacher asks her 6th graders: ""Can anyone tell me the definition of relative humidity?"" Johnny: ""The sweat on your balls when you're fucking your cousin!"""

"One thing is for sure about people who want to do Bono. They want to screw U2. I'll show myself out..."