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Joke of the Day

"I'm getting drunk while depressed. If I have your phone number, now would be a good time to put your phone off."

"Like most movies. I show big things in my trailer."

"Working hard at building up my self confidence! (that's what I named my new Lego set)"

"I couldn't tell if I brushed my teeth with tooth paste or shamoo last night I hope it was the former, not the lather."

"Are those your discarded fingernails on this bus seat or are you just happy to watch me throw up my breakfast?"

"What is the difference between a girl in church and a girl in a bathtub? The girl in church has hope in her soul"

"My friend recently got crushed by books. He's got his shelf to blame."

"I hate dolphins... ...for all intents and porpoises."

"Why do female zombies have such a terrible sex life? Because whenever they shout, ""I want you inside me."" all of the guys run away."

"Why don't golf courses ever serve sandwiches? They always turn out to be sub par."