53967

Joke of the Day

"Why do female zombies have such a terrible sex life? Because whenever they shout, ""I want you inside me."" all of the guys run away."

"Go see American Sniper. Or go to your buddy's house and watch him play Call of Duty for two hours"

"I get this girl to come home with me. I'm in bed with her and then she tells me ""Just the tip."" Jokes on her, that's all I got."

"Mary had a little lamb. The event made medical history."

"I wonder if Ronald McDonald sadistically cackles as he bludgeons innocent chickens and uses clown magic to turn them into nuggets."

"I'm not as tweet as you drunk I am think."

"My lesbian neighbors... My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, ""I wanna watch."""

"A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then peppery spray by the police... he is now a seasoned veteran"

"Did you hear that the guy who invented predictive text has died. His funfair is next sundial."

"A snake slithers into a bar... The bartender says, ""I'm sorry but I can't serve you."" ""Why not?"" asks the snake. The bartender says, ""Because you can't hold your liquor."""