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Joke of the Day

"All my friends are convincing me to travel to Northwest Territories... But I'm having Nunavut."

"I think I must have a leather allergy because whenever I wake up with my shoes on I have a headache."

"I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed."

"I got into a fight with a baseball player. It wasn't too bad. All I did was strike him three times and he was knocked out."

"I like playing with my dog when I'm high. Because I don't have one when I'm sober."

"I hate Russian nesting dolls They're so full of themselves"

"""I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."" Hotel Clerk ""No, it's regular porn, you sick bitch."""

"I should probably never be a mom considering I'd rather drop a baby in a puddle than my iPhone"

"MAN: See my tattoo? It says ""Only God can judge me."" GOD: That shirt with those pants?"

"[Me as a Realtor] BUYERS: this is a great house, what's the catch? ME: Well, it is a bit.. [cant think of the word haunted] ghost encrusted"