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Joke of the Day

"Family cookouts are spent telling me to ""stop...don't say that"""

"What do you call a Roman fighter with curly hair in his teeth? Gladiator. (Glad he ate her)"

"After coming out of hibernation the Philae Lander has some tough decisions. Reserve that free Windows 10 upgrade or not...?"

"1st baby: you make sure he's breathing every five minutes 2nd baby: someone replaced him with a ham in the crib and you don't even notice"

"""We can't hire you. We're trying to get more diverse"" ME: But I'm Hispanic [A bear walks in wearing a fresh Hooters outfit] ME: Aw man"

"What does a Lamb say after the Chinese New Year celebration? Baaaah bye!"

"Friend Who I Haven't Seen in a While: your kid's gotten so big! what is he, four? Me: i have no idea what he's for"

"please stop adding flintstone chewable vitamin commercials to the episode list. they are not real flintstone episodes."

"Netflix reminds me of my girlfriend Probably because it's constantly asking me if I'm still here. Or maybe because it's not a real human being."

"What's worse than sucking 12 raw oysters out of your grandma's vagina? Realizing you only put in 11"