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Joke of the Day

"After coming out of hibernation the Philae Lander has some tough decisions. Reserve that free Windows 10 upgrade or not...?"

"For our 25 year anniversary, my wife asked me for a present that goes from 0-200 in seconds. I got her a bathroom scale."

"Can you believe that my neighbor knocked at my door at 2AM!? Luckily, I was up playing my drums."

"I make the McDonald's guy eat a McDouble with me like when people buy shots for the bartender"

"How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool You flip it upside down"

"Did you know, if you cut off your left arm, your right arm would be left."

" And I would walk 500 ft. and I would walk 500 more/ Just to be the man who stayed 1000 ft away as ordered by the court "

"A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm Nice pig says the bartender. It's a duck she says. I was talking to the duck says the bartender."

"[at the aquarium] Son [pointing at a large tank]: daddy what's that Me: tank Son: no what lives in the tank Me: water"

"Who was the first Mexican to be knighted by the Queen? Sir Veza"