111911

Joke of the Day

"Netflix reminds me of my girlfriend Probably because it's constantly asking me if I'm still here. Or maybe because it's not a real human being."

"My parents are middle aged. ""Mine are to-"" [parents burst through bedroom door on horses] ""CHILD! DOST THOU DESIRE NOURISHMENT?"""

"My lesbian neighbors... My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, ""I wanna watch."""

"A lion would NEVER cheat on his mate But a Tiger Wood. XD"

"Husband says to his wife ""do you smell that"" wife says ""no?"" Husband says ""me neither so start cooking"""

"I have the heart of a lion.. ..and a lifetime ban from the Toronto Zoo"

"what's the strongest part of a vegetable? the wheel chair."

"Law of attraction to females If I had a nickel for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive."

"I just came back from my trip to the Virgin Islands... Now they just call them Islands."

"How do you turn on a lamp? By seducing it"