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Joke of the Day

"Why are you baking octopus? So I can get octopi."

"What's the difference between a whore and a prostitute? Capitalism."

"I could be a stripper if guys want to see a girl get stuck trying to take off her turtleneck followed by an on-stage panic attack."

"My wife does a HILARIOUS John Goodman impression. Doesn't hurt that she looks exactly like him."

"Why'd Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. ` ` Knock Knock, who's there? Not Sally."

"Just had a panic attack thinking how little time I've practiced picking up stuff with my toes in the event I ever lose my arms."

"He has the grocery Liszt What did the musician say to his wife when he went out to the supermarket? I'm going Chopin, I'll be Bach in a minuet."

"A man with Alzheimer's decides he wants tell some friends a joke. WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE"

"What did the big programming number say to the small programming number? UShort."

"5: ""I went to Banana Land. The bananas danced & had flowers & tiny pandas on their heads."" Me: ""I'll have whatever that kid's having."""