58081

Joke of the Day

"Her: i'm in the mood Me: me too Her: wanna do it Me: oh yeah baby [we drive to Home Depot to look at paint]"

"Did you hear about the vintage attache with a perfectly working clasp? It was a classic open-and-shut case."

"[1st day as a paramedic] me: can you point to where it hurts cyclist: [points at his severed leg at the other side of the road]"

"Where do you find red eyed rodents? Hamsterdam!"

"Fish don't seem that stupid to me. If a burrito dropped out of the sky and hung in mid air I'd prob eat it."

"Just noticed that the use by date on my crumpets was April 1st I was sure that someone was playing a joke on me."

"We're gonna break the Twitter on Mother's Day with Your Mom jokes, aren't we?"

"I like my drinks like I like my women With big cups."

"WHAT DO WE WANT!? A forum for passive aggressive behavior! WHEN do we want it? NOW would be great but you seem busy sooo whatever."

"What did the bird say in gratitude? ""Thank"", then it cooed."