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Joke of the Day

"Her: i'm in the mood Me: me too Her: wanna do it Me: oh yeah baby [we drive to Home Depot to look at paint]"

"Optimistic Thought of the Day: You are always 1/3 of the way towards having a threesome."

"Why the new Apple Pencil isn't included with the new iPad Pro. There is no point."

"I have a splitting headache today. Voldemort must be back from the dead and attempting to kill me."

"What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other? Let's go get Jobs!"

"woke up to a tap on the door this morning had to call the plumber in to remove it"

"What's the difference between training wheels and training bras? I need two hands to remove training wheels."

"You had me at: I'm calling the police."

"baby proofing your house is easy, just lock your doors. There's no way they could get in unless there were like hundreds of them or somthing"

"What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She choked."