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Joke of the Day

"Straight guys, don't act like an asshole when a gay guy hits on you... ...because then they'll definitely wanna fuck you."

"Australians have the strongers forearms... since due to their geographical location they have to walk on their hands."

"I've seen suns that weren't as bright as my cell phone is at 6AM."

"Today's a beautiful day... After all, nothing beats Mayweather."

"[sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*"

"What does the Alt-Right drink? White whine."

"If the doorbell rings, its normal to drop, shimmy across the floor, press your body to the wall & not breath till the person is gone, right?"

"What do you call a boring banana? unaPEELING"

"Guinness Book of World Records should be in the Guinness Book of World Records as being the book with the most world records."

"I opened a door for a girl, but then the crowd flow never stopped so I've been holding this door open for 3 days. Send help."