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Joke of the Day

"How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!"

"*standing outside your house I was totally going to stalk you but... *pets your dog instead"

"How many american rugby fans does it take to change a lightbulb Both of them"

"OH SHIT! I just ran over an emo kid! Quick! How do you tell if theyre dead on the outside, too?!"

"A guy came to my bar the other day and told me ""hey man I don't have much money, can you just give me your cheapest shot?"" . . I said ""Yeah, your ugly and your mom dresses you funny""."

"What would Jimi Hendrix be doing today if he was still alive? Trying to get out of his grave."

"My friend recently got crushed by books. He's got his shelf to blame."

"If you whisper, ""we're being watched,"" you can hug a stranger for as long as you want. My record is 13 days."

"As a Muslim, I'm disappointed That none of my posts have really blown up yet."

"What's a 68 to a blonde? She goes down on you and you owe her one"