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Joke of the Day
"My girlfriend broke up with me after we had sex.. She said she's full of me"
Next Joke
"Doctor: Have you quit smoking yet? Me: Has there been a string of unsolved murders in the news? Doctor: No. Me: Then, no, I haven't."
"Why did Tiger Woods stop winning golf tournaments? Because he stopped cheating"
"My mouth smells like a cave someone shoved a bunch of dead animals into, because that's what it is."
"[during sex] HER: this isn't working out ME: *putting sock puppet away* was it something he said?"
"Did you guys see the new Mad Max prequel? It was playing on every channel last night"
"What do nature and dogs have in common? They both abhor a vacuum."
"I wonder if the Cabbage Patch Kids grew up to be bastards & whores that left their offspring in random gardens like their parents did."
"Chuck Norris can clear 5 lines at once in tetris."
"Pro tip: The Labor Day weekend is a great time to start drafting your Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas tweets."