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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: Have you quit smoking yet? Me: Has there been a string of unsolved murders in the news? Doctor: No. Me: Then, no, I haven't."

"its all fun and games till someone gets hurt... then its hilarious"

"Where will the Womens World Cup final be held? Kitchen Stadium"

"Answering your cell when you don't recognize the number is basically like picking up a hitchhiker. You're probs gonna die."

"A black guy willing to hold a frisbee, smile and sit on some grass with white kids can make a career out of appearing in college brochures."

"Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day."

"""I'd like to make a large cash deposit"" teller: ok, how much do you have? ""Wow can't a guy just share his dreams without being pressured?"""

"Your momma's so fat Newt Gingrich wants to send astronauts to colonize her."

"Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet."

"I'm trying to teach my toddler how to headbang but he's pissed because he wants a bottle. I told him to save that anger for the mosh pit."