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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a group of animals who decides to kill themselves? Mass zooicide."

"[NSFW] What do a pizza delivery person and a gynecologist have in common? They both get to smell it, but can't eat it."

"What kinda truck does Paulie Shore drive? A DiiieEEeESsssleeeeee"

"One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere."

"I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at Capri Sun."

"A blonde in labor walked into a pizza shop because the the delivery was free."

"[restaurant] Man *proposing to his gf*: ""Will you make me the happiest man alive?"" [me, alone, eating nachos a table over] ""Not possible"""

"What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? Bird flu you get tweetment, swine flu you get oinkment."

"Three guys walk into a bar: an alcoholic, a priest, and a child molester... And that's just the first guy."

"So Rene points to Gorgias in the schoolyard and says, ""you're a stupid solipsist..."". ...and Gorgias says, ""I know you are but what I am."""