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Joke of the Day

"[after tee ball game] Wife: we brought snacks for the kids. Me: [w/ mouthful of food] we did?!"

"My telethon to raise money for starving children in Africa was a huge flop. I didn't know the TV added 10 pounds. Those kids looked fine. :("

"Everbody but Messi got a blowjob after the game cuz his dick was messi"

"What's faster, the speed of thought or the speed of light? Neither, it's diarrhea. Before you could think about it or even turn the lights on, you've already shat yourself."

"I hate it when kids spell ""angel"" as ""angle"" They're just trying to be edgy."

"A man walks into a bar... ...and has a concussion."

"They say you're not supposed to go to the grocery store when you're hungry. It's been several days now, what should I do?"

"TEACHER: Jackie take 932 from 1439. What is the difference? Stella: That's what I say what's the difference`?"

"[stranded on deserted island] *spells out message in rocks* WHAT'S THE WIFI PASSWORD"

"Really short Mexicans should be called paragraphs Because they're not long enough to be an essay..."