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Joke of the Day

"You know you're tired when you kneel on the ground pick something up and then have to decide if it's easier to get up or just live there now"

"Young guy goes in for his annual physical Doctor says: You have to stop masturbating Young man: What?! Why?? Doctor: Because I'm trying to examine you!"

"So I walked into the pharmacy the other day... because I needed to grab some condoms. As I was checking out, the clerk asked, ""do you need a bag for that?"" I replied, ""Nah, she's not that ugly."""

"Business Idea: Audio books for deaf people"

"Pretty cool that Sarah Connor saved mankind by raw-dogging a total stranger claiming to be a time traveller at the height of the AIDS scare."

"What do you call a laughing labradoodle? A snickerdoodle."

"I finally had to tell the dog he was adopted."

"Do girls imagine themselves sucking in a invisible spaghetti when they're about to take a picture?"

"Sorry I faked a seizure at your party but my phone's battery dropped to 10%, you wouldn't stop talking and I had to go so I could charge it."

"Build a fire for a man and he will be warm for a night... Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life."