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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I faked a seizure at your party but my phone's battery dropped to 10%, you wouldn't stop talking and I had to go so I could charge it."

"They call them ""reality shows"" but none of them are about drunk people scrolling through meaningless crap on the internet all night."

"What did the mermaid wear for good luck on her math test? Her *algaebra*."

"My Altima's name is Liam Nissan"

"Hi Operator, Can you connect me to Steph Curry? Operator: Just dial 739 Guy: I did but there's no Ring"

"My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician."

"When she found the ring in the spaghetti she said yes, but the more rings she found the madder she got, and eventually she changed her mind."

"My pillow has down syndrome."

"Why aren't the Williams sisters competing against Michael Phelps? Black people can't swim."

"Why was the Dalai Lama not upset after he spilled spaghetti sauce? Because it happened in the *past*a."