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Joke of the Day

"Doctor, reading chart: ""Says here you're improving!"" Doctor: ""...Oops."" *slowly turns chart rightside up*"

"What does Julius Ceasar say after sex? Veni."

"How does a boat captain determine his profit? By using aquadratic equation. (Via my coworker)"

"A single text to my mom is like pulling that loose thread on a sweater."

"I figured out Inception, guys. The whole thing was really a movie."

"What does an empty bottle of Champaign and an orphan have in common? Nether of them have a pop."

"Kim Jong-il became Kim jong-ded Now Kim Jong-Un with his wife who has vanished from public since 7 months, might be having a Kim Yung-Un"

"I used to have a morbid fear of German sausage..... Its been hard, Ive been through therapy but now I think I'm over the wurst."

"Why did the pilot crash the plane? Because he was a slice of bread"

"I'd like to say that ALL quilts are great... ...but I try to avoid making blanket statements."