5699

Joke of the Day

"Keep your friends close, your enemies close, aliens not so close, ghosts close, snakes close, skeletons close, everything just in a big pile"

"My favorite thing to do in cities is walk down busy sidewalks, pass by people, and say into my phone ""Target is on the move."""

"[explaining twitter to my mom] Everyone is mad about something all the time and I'm a cartoon"

"I planned on watching the super bowl tomorrow, but... My inflatable couch doesn't have enough air in it."

"[karate sign up table] ""Ok guys with a ponytail or that are named Vince please form a second line you are the advanced class"""

"Knock Knock Who's there? Allah Allah who? *Boom*"

"Why do sailors drink so much? We sleep better when the room is moving"

"What happens if a politician takes a Viagra? He gets taller"

"Heard about the girl who took a contraceptive pill with pond water? Last I heard, she was three months stagnant."

"Smile is the only curved line that can make everything straight "