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Joke of the Day

"Yesterday I was telling my friend that my chiropodist improved my posture ... He pointed out that it was in fact my chiropractor. I stand corrected."

"I tell my daughter she has no idea how lucky she is. When I was 12, I had to use a pay phone and walk 10 miles in the snow to get weed"

"What did the blonde do after she combed her hair? .. She pulled her pants up."

"A hipster coffee shop would be a terrible idea. Everyone would burn their tongues because they would drink the coffee before it was cool."

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't."

"Have you noticed that jokes starting with have you noticed' are usually shit!"

"Buying yourself an Uber gift card is ironic. Cause it's a free ride when you've already paid."

"I saw a girl texting while driving the other day.. it really pissed me off, so I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her."

"One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth."

"A satyr walks into a bar... (that's the whole joke)"