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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a duck? One foots both the same!"

"Just put my phone on airline mode. That's when it delays your texts for no reason & acts like it's doing you a favor when it does send them."

"I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box."

"AMA character from the Universal Studios Harry Potter world Really! I'm Sirius!"

"When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering 'what did I say the last time you asked?' is unwise, apparently."

"You guys need to leave pedophiles alone! They're just kidding around."

"Me: sorry I rode a giraffe to your grandmas funeral Friend: what? that's not a giraffe Me: sorry I'm on drugs at your grandmas funeral"

"Asked the burd in Krispy kremes for 5 Nutella donuts and she says ""have you got any nut allergies"" aye pal I'm planning suicide by donut"

"How do you get Pikachu on the bus? Pokemon"

"whats the difference between a baby and an onion? i cry when i chop an onion"