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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a duck? One foots both the same!"

"Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? She gets a frog in her throat at 69! Wakka wakka wakka!"

"I feel like (for me) to be great one day is to finish what Hitler didn't... Art school"

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? The prostitute will stop screwing you when you die."

"How many parents does it take to raise a homicidal maniac? Two, then one, then none"

"Instagramming daily selfies does not constitute personal growth."

"What did Spock find in the toilet? The captains log!"

"Maybe we should stop making ski masks since no one wears them except bank robbers."

"My girlfriend said she was sick of me pretending to be a detective... ...and that ""we should split up"" ""Good idea"", I said, ""that way we can cover more ground"""

"*walks into funeral while playing the mandolin* ""I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?"" *dead guy sits up in casket* No it sounds lovely. Keep going"