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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? The prostitute will stop screwing you when you die."

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"*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food."
"The hardest part about dying is finding a body double to sit in a coffin for you while you take off to party island."
"[At a One Direction concert] No, I'm not a...I SAID NO I'M NOT A BIG ONE DIRECTION FAN I JUST HATE MYSELF AND FEEL THE NEED TO SELF PUNISH"
"AlgeBron James is the best mathlete in the league"
"How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles."
"Why will Donald Trump never have an amputation? Because you can't stump the Trump."
"Pot could probably use one more name... how about wizard parsley?"
"Marital prejudice/ politics amongst fruit Q: What did Mr & Mrs Rockmelon say to their daughter when she wanted to run off with Johnny Watermelon? A: But you cantaloupe!"
"What did the calf say to the silo? ""Is my fodder in there?"""
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