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Joke of the Day

"""What do you mean there's not a secret passageway?"" ""Sir, this is a library."" *whispers* ""What do you mean there's not a secret passageway?"""

"How do you make a woman scream twice? Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on her curtains."

"What is the fastest mineral in the world? The malacheetah."

"Not To Brag Or Anything... I live near where Notorious B.I.G. was born and raised. Just a short walk over and I'm in front of his house. Took a picture. No biggie."

"I don't get why I'm supposed to like someone who's different in the streets and in the sheets sounds duplicitous just be a freak everywhere."

"Have you heard about the music stores percussion sale? Their prices can't be beat Have you heard about their guitar sale? The prices are solo"

"What do you call it when you're breastfeeding and nothing comes out? A milk dud."

"*wakes up early on weekend *makes 12 pancakes *wakes kids up ""Daddy, can we have waffles today???"" *eats 12 pancakes"

"Why don't you come sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up?"

"Your mom takes so much dicks that the word cocktail was invented for her"