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Joke of the Day

"[Interview] ""Tell me your weaknesses"" Me: Well, I.. *wife busts in* He's a mouth breather, leaves the toilet seat up, forgets to take out th"

"What person strives to ensure safety for horses? Ralph Neighder!"

"People in my office have this strange habit of naming their food... Yesterday, I had a sandwich named ""Michael""."

"Whenever I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind, I just run a few ideas by my cat and then I feel better."

"What do you call the ticket to get into a giant space station shaped like a vagina? A cunt-astro-fee!"

"remember blowing bubbles as a kid? good. you should call him, he misses you."

"There are some people walking around alive today, simply because I don't want to go to jail tomorrow."

"Everyone told me to follow the dreams So, I went back to bed"

"What is the worst city to be a cop in? Baltimore, I hear it's backbreaking work."

"I finally stopped my roomate from biting his nails. All i had to do was make him wear shoes."