180369

Joke of the Day

"remember blowing bubbles as a kid? good. you should call him, he misses you."

"how do you get a 78 year old lady to scream f**k?! get another 78 year old lady to yell BINGO! waka waka!"

"Guy calls to HR: - Hi. I'd like to discuss IT security specialist position at your company. - Ok. Send your CV, please. - You already have it at your desktop."

"harassing a man at a urinal, claiming i copyrighted piss"

"Why do pigs run into trees? To shake out the alligators. I've never seen an alligator In a tree. That's because the pigs do such a good job."

"Fall is Pumpkin time In the south, they think its time to screw their cousins Pump kin"

"What mouse was a Roman emperor ? Julius Cheeser !"

"[infomercial] ME: wanna know how to lose 15 lbs with 1 easy trick?! AUDIENCE: YES! *a surgeon amputates my leg right there on stage*"

"Did you hear the new Whitney Houston album? It didn't make much of a splash."

"The Commandments 1) def don't kill 2) no stealing, obvs 3) don't say my name? idk 4) luv ur neighbs! 5) but don't LOVE-love them, that's bad"