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Joke of the Day
"I don't know what I'd do without Twitter. Probably my work."
Next Joke
"How do they count the Mexican immigrants? They start with Juan"
"How is a moil like a mashgiach? (How is the person who circumcises infants like the person who inspects kosher restaurants?) Their job is to make sure there's no cheese on the meat!"
"I caught a disease on my trip to Sparta... The doctor says I have Leonitis"
"Turtle Empathy You know when someone's talking to you and you don't give a fuck about what they're saying? I bet that's how turtles feel about everything."
"Whenever my grandma comes to visit and I hear a loud thud from upstairs, I go for a coffee and think about the cool stuff I just inherited."
"God, grant me the serenity to accept this stolen property, the courage to sell it on eBay, and the wisdom to not get caught."
"My dad said ""Always leave them wanting more."" That's how he lost his job in disaster relief."
"Old people always poke me at weddings and say ""You're next"" So I started doing the same to them at funerals"
"Why do people want attention of 1000 pies? because it's their sen-pais~"