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Joke of the Day

"Turtle Empathy You know when someone's talking to you and you don't give a fuck about what they're saying? I bet that's how turtles feel about everything."

"I like my coffee like I like my..... women: ground up and in the freezer."

"I wanted to dress as Glenn Beck for Halloween, but I couldn't find enough ignorance and hate."

"The Earth is roughly 70% water and 30% haters"

"Why does KFC only sell christian chicken? Because the muslim ones are on the no-fry list."

"NIETZSCHE: god is dead! he remains dead! and we have killed him! ME AS NIETZSCHE'S LAWYER: your honour we're gonna need a recess"

"How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ? He prawned everything !"

"I Bought Some Shoes From a Drug Dealer I don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day."

"Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica? A: I told you to lick my erection not wreck my election."

"I hit some kid riding a skateboard today, on the way to work. On a lighter note, I'm selling a lightly used skateboard."